In my youth I always took great pleasure sitting in an English pub propping up a corner of the building with my considerable mass. With the glass in my hand containing the beverage of the discerning dipso, so far as I am concerned there a choice of activities. You may, if the mood takes you, listen in on other peoples conversations, or people watch, or even read a book. But I find that once I am on my third comforting beer I start to get ideas.

“Steady on!” I hear you cry but it’s true. On one such occasion, after having read an advert for a time-share project in the middle of the Mongolian desert, the glimmers of an idea began cascading: clearly more fuel was needed. I lurched to the bar and replenished my diminished stock of ale from the hands of a pretty young girl to whom I offered my most charming smile. Sadly, just as she was about to engage me in meaningful conversation, a dribble appeared on my bottom lip and the moment was lost. Keeping my balance and dignity I returned to my stronghold and was seated.

“Time-share and pyramid selling,” I mused, “well, loathe them or hate them, but remember: along with real estate agents they are here to stay.” I sipped my beer and sighed. How can you make something nice out of something so awful?

Stop eating seafood

Well, try this for size: if you agreed to stop eating seafood for a year and persuaded five other people to do the
same, and they did the same to another five, etc., you would be part of the world’s first meaningful pyramid sales campaign, and, this is the bit I really like, you didn’t spend any money and you didn’t ask anyone else to part with any cash. In fact as part of your sales pitch you could ask them to calculate the amount of money
they spend on luxuries in a year and then ask them to think of something that they would like to buy in that price range and stash their cash for that purchase.

As a dive professional I turned my thoughts on how to effectively turn this idea into practical reality. I teach people who want to learn to teach people how to dive, and, more importantly, so do hundreds of other instructor trainers from all over the world. All of these instructor candidates all have to pass an instructor exam, so for a brief period you have a lot of naturally concerned individuals in the same place at the same time. You ask all
of these future instructors to agree (some will say that they already abstain), but then you ask them to ask all their future students to do likewise and try and get five friends to do the same. It is estimated that around two million people become entry level divers each year, and then you have all the students who continue on up
the recreational dive ladder, not to mention all the already certified divers who enjoy the waters of the world for
pleasure.

Vague inkling

Sadly I can’t remember the name of the amber ether that precipitated this idea and I only have a vague inkling of how many people might have signed up by the end of the first year, I think it was around 50 million while the approximate population of the United Kingdom is 60 million. I do remember going back to the bar for more
ammunition and the hope of renewing my acquaintance with the by now delicious young lady who had originally served me but she was nowhere to be seen. I departed via a portal, swaying in the wind I did battle with a swing door and poured myself to bed.