Vol.3 No.2
Commentary
Quo Vadis
The Visionary
By: Ian Shaw of Reefwatch Krabi
Ladies and Gentlemen I wish it to be known that I have had a vision. A vision that will fill us with a warm feeling and also an even greater amount of individual as well as corporate satisfaction. I am, of course talking about the worlds greatest dive show hence forth to be known as Vizdex (Visual Diving Exhibition) and not the shroud of Turin.
 | | | |  | | | | | | Catering is also an issue, perhaps we should get an outside agency to occupy a portion of the show space and sell mouldy buns and sandwiches along with warm cans of coke. | | | | | | | | I spoke to Nobby Spamhead about my latest invention. In the first place I enthused, we should find a location that is really difficult to locate. This will inspire all the visiting divers to use compasses, reels and astro navigation techniques in their attempts at finding us. Nobby stares in admiration so I continue babbling. In order to save money I think we should not place any signs to assist our brave visitors in their quest. The non\diving visitors can follow the divers who will be easy to spot as they will all be colliding with foreign objects as they follow compass headings whilst falling over lines left by reels. We could fill lift bags with hydrogen and deploy them like beacons, of course helium would be better but it is so expensive and less likely to produce the explosive opening we are looking for.
Few exhibitors
I don't think we should have many exhibitors as they take up a huge amount of space.
The swimming pool for "Try Dives" should be located somewhere else perhaps on a different floor or preferably another building, city, or planet as this would limit our liability and reduce our insurance premium.
Nobby bows his head in awe. I can see inspiration in his eyes so I continue planning. As you know many of the exhibitors like to run competions and then give away prizes to the winners, I think we should not allow this as its so unfair to the people that win, after all we are divers and don't need charity. A much better idea is to have a P.A. system that is either very loud or one that crackles so you can never quite hear the vital message. Individuals should be allowed to use the system to tell good old fashion diving jokes and if they are a little blue in content it doesn't matter as no one will be able to hear anyway. I wonder if we could charge for this.
Mouldy buns
Catering is also an issue, perhaps we should get an outside agency to occupy a portion of the show space and sell mouldy buns and sandwiches along with warm cans of coke.
This will increase the diver's self-reliance as they will have to provide refreshments on an individual basis or as recommended by most agencies as buddy teams. I thought I had covered most areas that needed attending to so I turned to Nobby, "Well my old fruit cake what do you think of that, brilliant or what?"
Nobby Spamhead's eyes start to mist over always an indication that he has reached a pivotal moment in his life. He looks at me with a smile that agrees, but yet shows that disappointment is only a few words away. He starts to open his mouth but his lips are dry. He beckons me closer and whispers that alas my vision is flawed for it was he who in the month of April produced the very same idea in the City of Angels.
I put my beer down on the table and consider the implications of Nobby's first few words in several minutes. He can't be serious surely. I mean this was all a joke. Who would really produce a show like the one I have just described. After what seems like a decade I tell him that I had to post a torch to my girlfriend who was last seen wandering the streets of Bangkok still searching for the entrance.
Editor's note: any resemblance to an actual dive exhibition is of course intentional. Dive show organisers take note: exhibitors are looking for effective, well-organised shows that offer value for money and a chance at seeing a reasonable return on their investment. Not every dive show offers these basic requirements, and those that fail to address these concerns may soon find themselves out of business!
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